Today's Diabetes Daily Dose comes from Ashley over at Fashionably Sweet. I just accidently ran across her blog one day and I love her writing. It's so real and honest.
Here's Ashley's story:
My name is Ashley. I’m 23 years old, a 2009 graduate of Texas Tech University, and have been married to a wonderful man for almost two years now. In late January or early February, we’ll be welcoming our first child (a girl!) into the world, and couldn’t be more excited. All of this describes who I am, but there is one more thing that factors into my life in a big way: type 1 diabetes. I was diagnosed last August on my seven month wedding “anniversary”, and my life changed dramatically in that instant. I never dreamed that diabetes was something I’d have to deal with firsthand. Even though my younger sister was diagnosed at 16 with type 1 (in DKA) and my dad a few years ago with type 2, diabetes was something that happened to “other people” in my mind.
Because of my family history, however, I was at least familiar with the symptoms of the disease…So when I started having to get up a million times a night to go to the bathroom (then drink more water, then go to the bathroom again), and was extremely exhausted all the time, I knew deep down what was going on--even if I didn’t want to admit it to myself at first. I borrowed my dad’s meter one weekend and started testing my blood sugar, and was shocked when I was getting numbers like 247 after a meal. After that, I couldn’t deny what was going on anymore. Even though my mom kept telling me (hoping) that maybe it was something else, I knew. She went to the doctor with me on Monday since I didn’t want my husband to miss work in case it was nothing, but so I would have some emotional support if something was going on. When the doctor came back with the news, though, she was the one that started crying…She said she just didn’t want another of her kids to have to deal with this disease.
The first few weeks were just as rough for me…I’d go through periods of acceptance followed by the predictable “why me?”’s; I’d be optimistic one moment and in tears the next thinking about what my life was going to be like from now on. The thing that bothered me most was worrying how this disease would affect my ability to have children (since my only point of reference for diabetes and pregnancy at the time was “Steel Magnolias”), as well as our future. We had always planned for me to stay at home with the kids once we started our family, but I knew that that would no longer be possible, because there was no way we could manage without insurance—and my husband’s job doesn’t provide any, which meant that I would be forced to continue working full time after we had kids. Over a year later, that’s the thing that hurts me the most about this disease…not only do you have to live with a chronic illness and all it entails, which is challenging enough; but you also have to pay for it, very literally. My supplies cost us about $250/month out of pocket with insurance (not including premiums), but would be more than twice as much without it…not to mention doctor’s visits and other medical expenses.
Originally I was diagnosed as type 2, and started to manage the disease with diet and exercise. As time went on, however, my blood sugars kept rising despite my efforts to keep them under control. My endocrinologist put me on an oral medication that helped for a while, but it wasn’t long before my numbers started creeping up again. He did more testing and discovered that I was a slow-onset type 1 rather than type 2—something that came as no surprise to my Diabetes Educator and others in the field that I’d talked to, since I never fit the “typical” profile for a type 2 (I was young, normal weight, etc.). After that, I told my endo that I wanted to start on insulin right away, even though he was content to keep me on the oral meds and see what happened. I knew that I needed to get my numbers into the normal range to prepare for pregnancy, and that insulin was the only way I’d get that level of control. Soon after that, I got my insulin pump and continuous glucose monitor, and the rest is history. Because I caught my diabetes early on and likely still had some level of pancreatic function, managing the disease with insulin brought my numbers down very quickly. Four months after I started, I brought my A1c down from 6.5% to 5.7%--well within the normal person’s normal range of 4.0-6.0%, which is the recommended level prior to conception. Shortly thereafter, I found out that I was expecting, and it made all of my hard work worth it.
Of course, since I have type 1 diabetes, I’m automatically labeled “high risk”; however, I made a point to find an obstetrician who was willing to look past the disease and treat me as an individual patient. I knew way before I got pregnant that I would never get along with a doctor who refused to budge from the blanket policies and procedures for “diabetic” pregnant women just because I feel strongly that if I’m able to keep my blood sugar averages in the normal range, I should be treated like a normal person. I’m not saying that I don’t understand or reject the proper precautions involved in a high risk pregnancy; I simply wanted a doctor who realized that just as all women are different, so are all people with diabetes. Therefore, I see no reason why I should be held under the same standards as someone whose disease is uncontrolled, and vice versa. I was grateful to find a doctor who recognized my efforts and reassured me that as long as I continued along the path I’d started, I should have a relatively normal and easy pregnancy with a healthy baby in the end. He always reminds me of what could happen, but I also know that he is confident in my ability to manage this disease in a way that will allow me to have the lowest potential level of risk. Last month I saw my endocrinologist again, and this time my A1c was 4.9%--something that I definitely didn’t expect given the crazy numbers and insulin changes I’d been dealing with. My OB was so happy with that number that he said he’d give me a sticker if he had one!
Looking back on the past year and all I’ve dealt with, I see my diabetes in a completely different light than I did in the beginning. Yes, it is an incredibly challenging (and sometimes maddening) disease to live with, but it’s definitely manageable with hard work and determination. It does take a lot of work to keep everything in balance, and an insane level of determination is sometimes required to make sure it doesn’t completely take over your life. Some days, I don’t want to deal with diabetes. I’d rather just eat without having the “carb content staring contest” with my food, playing the insulin dosage guessing game (because yes, there is a mathematical formula for it, but as we all know, life doesn’t follow formulas well), and wondering what number my decisions are going to lead to in a couple of hours. I would rather be able to enjoy my pregnancy without worrying how my body is affecting my baby, even with my near-superhuman efforts to keep this disease under control. Some days, I would rather just be a normal person with a working pancreas. But, as my husband sometimes has to remind me, I don’t have that option—so I just have to do it. And even though I don’t want to, I always do…because I refuse to give in to diabetes. It’s challenging every day in different ways, but dealing with all of this has also made me a stronger person. When you have to face one of your biggest fears, I’ve discovered that you find a strength deep within yourself that you never knew existed, mostly because when you have a chronic illness, being strong is the only choice you have…otherwise, the disease wins. One thing I am quick to admit, though, is that even on the best day I don’t claim to have conquered my diabetes, because just as you think you have things under control, this disease throws you for a loop again…I just refuse to ever give it the opportunity to conquer me!
Some good has come from all of this also. Not only was I able to lose 10-15 lbs after I was diagnosed (pre-pregnancy), I also became motivated to make a permanent choice to eat healthier (most of the time) and exercise on a consistent basis. I even started running several months ago, a fact that would shock my junior high and high school coaches! Aside from my own health benefits, though, having diabetes has also led me to an awesome thing that has happened in my life recently, which is being asked to be a board member for the local branch of the JDRF. After I was diagnosed, I wished that I could become a CDE in order to help people around my small town manage their diabetes; however, I knew that would probably not be possible because you have to have been a nurse/doctor/psychologist/dietician/etc. for two years before you can apply to become a CDE…and I’m a CAD drawing technician by trade, Anthropology major and Psychology minor by degree! Being a JDRF board member will allow me to help educate and raise awareness and funds for diabetes while still keeping my “day job,” something I never imagined would be possible. I’m so incredibly thankful for the opportunity, and look forward to working with such an incredible organization and a cause that is so dear and near to my heart.
In closing, my advice to someone dealing with diabetes (of any kind) is this: Be your own advocate. You know yourself and your body better than anyone else. Learn as much as you can, because knowledge is truly power with this disease. Allow yourself to feel and deal with any emotions you have, positive and negative—don’t hold them in. If you need help managing your disease, get it! My CDE has been a lifesaver and an incredible resource, and I don’t know what I’d do without her. Speaking of information, always be careful about believing things you hear or read about managing diabetes—especially when the words “reverse” and “cure” and/or money are involved…There are plenty of people who will take advantage of your hope, but their “solutions” are useless at best and dangerous at worst. There will be plenty of days when you don’t want to deal with diabetes, but do it anyway. Find a goal or focus that gives you the motivation to manage this disease on the days that are the toughest—mine has always been my future children, and they’re what keep me pushing myself ahead. Have a center that you can always rely on—yours may be a spouse, relative, or friend, but mine is my faith. As much as I hate diabetes, I know that it somehow fits into God’s plan for me, and that helps me more than anything on the days when things seem so out of control. Even when you feel overwhelmed, refuse to give in to diabetes…Yes, it’s tough, but you CAN do it!
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